patience

ok ok...I get it. If I ask for patience...You'll give me great opportunities for patience. So, You don't so much give me the patience as much as You actually give me the situation to test my little patience. Allllright...I guess when its all said and done...yea, You supply the patience. But...man, does it feel like I'm lacking something.

The past two weeks have been a time of reflection...reflecting on the way things were, on life before the thought of graduation, on simplicity of friendships, on who Jesus could have been to me before this stage of my life. I am 23 years old, and yes to some people that is young...but in retrospect the things that I have been through, personally and in other friendshps, people twice my age never experience. I guess...I am just perplexed as to where I am going and what Jesus is trying to do with my life. And, I get it...I'm not supposed to understand or see the picture clearly...but that doesn't mean the desire to understand the workings of our Creator will just go away. I do understand, however, more than ever to just stop asking questions...not to stop asking God questions but stop questioning God himself. I've come to learn to accept the journey I've been given...in no way am I always happy with it. But...I get the fact that there is no sense in questioning God and consistently screaming "WHY?" But...though I understand not to do it...I still do. Creatures of habit, I suppose.

So...what am I getting at? I'm not quite sure...I just need to convey to people that God is consistently at work. In failure, in success, in patience, in eagerness, in the crappiest season of your life, and in the happiest...He's working. I guess, I don't feel like I am doing enough...b/c I'm not. As much as the world is trying to tell me that I am important and am getting things done...I'm still insignificant. Though I am insignificant...I desire to find the significance in purpose and design. So...here I am, still waiting. Still probably lacking some patience...