its a good feeling to know and see where God had me versus where i am now. well its not so much a "versus" because if it were it would be two stark contrasts fighting for the current place and position. but the "place" i was a year ago and the "place" i am now is evolutionary. i've learned from things and grown through them. these things are people and events and seasons, all combining to guide me to the present time and place.
i'm back in the town where i went to college. the town where i met me. who i am and who i have become. the town that has so many nostalgic memories and establishments...and ideas. ideas of the conceiveable revolutionary actions. these ideas or i could even refer to it as a way of living has brought me to this position in my life. my life which is a complicated mess but where beauty and truth has been the fortune. of course with this revelation comes consequence (neither good nor bad) and sacrifice. i am a reflective individual and love where i have come from but this makes me miss those people and that past. its a hard aspect of life to chew on...growing up and growing apart. i'm not saying i've grown apart from everything but simply some things. things that were probably most cherished and had places far higher in my life than they should have. i had a conversation with a friend earlier in the week and their words enlightened me. they said in so many words that a few friendships from the immediate past have been greatly scaled down, but its not because of a lack of commitment or disinterest. its because we have grown up and we are all living lives on different pages. but our love for those relationships and people are still great because of the role they had played in a particular season of our lives. our love for them does not end but it does evolve.
this particular person seems to have been someone i placed at a higher level than most things. but current circumstances has allowed me to address that and confront the past year. the past year which has been a milestone for sure. this person is moving on and so must i. one of the reasons why this is so difficult is because i associate this person with everything that is nostalgic about this town. i had thought this individual would continually be involved in my life because my story is theirs...so much of my story revolves around her. my story would not have been what it is if it weren't for her. the role she played was beyond capacity for explaining. truth and beauty beginning in that season of my life would not have been revealed. so because she is no longer who she was in my life a year ago but was so very instrumental in the past season of my life, she remains close to me...close to my heart. being back in this town has made it evident that this chapter is done and God is writing a new one. for that i am blessed and for once i have a little bit of closure.