at a loss

this is strange. its been a while since i've taken this long of a "break" from this here blog. it definitely wasn't intentional. i feel like i've been at a loss for words recently...a creative lull if you will. i've been back in san diego for almost 2 months now...a lot has happened in the past 2 months that i suppose has led me to start revealing myself through words again.

i believe when i was back in tennessee, i experienced a lot of emotional distress but at the same time received some rest and relaxation after a previous busy 7 months. that combined, i had little to no motivation to sit down and spill it over my computer. i felt inadequate at times so as comical as it is resorted to a series of books called twilight (oh yea i read 'em) to take my mind off of my own issues and worries of the near future. my time back home was the last time i would be home before making the official move to san diego to pursue working still with invisible children, but this time in a staff position. the commitment of moving to san diego involved driving across the country with my car, purchasing california tags and registering my vehicle in state, as well as testing for a california license. who would have thought i would make it so official...and why did i not realize the weight of such a huge decision. bad and good weight of course.

so i sit here now...officially the HR Assistant for the HR Dept at IC, with little to no friends, and now feeling the need for people to read what has been going on in my life. let me say that i am blessed beyond belief with the friends that i do have here in san diego. i don't want it to appear that i am lacking a community. the community is there. its just...everything IC. still searching for the appropriate church community so that then i can delve into a community of believers and supporters.

clearly san diego is not the same it was 8 months ago. when i was living in a house with 50 amazing individuals...individuals that created this solid community...created what was san diego to me at that time. i feel the excitement of moving to san diego may have been mislead because of the community i had while being a roadie. roadie life is not permanent...and i knew that but i hoped for it. so my lack of energy and motivation immediately stems from not having those very important people in my life anymore. and of course stems even more deeply from my own personal struggles and lack of searching for what God wants in my own life.

so its crazy because i am happy. i am content...i've begun searching again and am surprised at what life can be or what it should be. i'm beginning to not be at a loss anymore.