inside the unseen

I have just seen this documentary...

intense
overwhelming
unsettling
startling
untouched
unseen
hopeless

These are all words (and many more) that came to mind
while watching Lisa Ling
and her film crew document
a surgeon and his experience in healing
1,000 blind North Korean's in one week.
I strongly suggest and recommend
purchasing this video.

SoCal=4

before i say anything...i have an announcement:

SoCal is complete. It is no longer overcome with testosterone or masculinity. We have been balanced...we have been completed. Paige and Andrea finally arrived last week...and this past week has been a whirlwind trying to get to know these two folks before we live together on the road for 3 months.
OK...now that that is done...

The countdown is on I suppose...final month of booking and polishing our route so that it is acceptable for us to actually leave on our launch date February 7th! Its hard to believe that 3 months have already passed...yea...3 months yesterday. These few weeks back in San Diego have been without a doubt reassuring of my decision to be here...though some news that I've heard this week has been less than exciting (selfishly of course)! Justin, my regional manager has decided to leave IC. He's been with IC for 3 years...one of the original Biola Boys of course (which includes Matt Provo). I could probably write a whole blog on Matt...but this is about Justin.

Justin and his wife Kira as well as the Provo's are moving to a country for 2 months for research. Let me mention that this country isn't just a country American's can work in or even live in. They are going to document and speak for people that obviously do not have a voice or even a window into the outside world. This is essentially what IC prepares its staff and supporters to do...to speak for the unspoken and discover stories that need to be told. IC fully supports Justin's decision...though, he is an integral part of the movement department this situation...this people group has been laid on his and Kira's hearts so they are moving to action.

I guess the one thing that I have struggled with regarding this...and mind you...I'm speaking selfishly at this point...the thing is is that I was looking forward to the opportunity to continue to get to know Justin and invest and be invested. I'm not necessarily saying that this opportunity has passed...but for now, it has. I'm continually encouraged by the strength and experience Justin has at 22 years of age. He has selflessly put himself out there and am anticipating good news from his new journey with his wife and the Provo's.

Work for the next month will be hard but an interesting and exciting time as a new RM is phased in who happens to make the lamest of days amazing. So...I think this is all of the news that I have for now. I'll attempt to be a bit more consistent with information. Let me end by saying that being back in San Diego after Christmas has confirmed a lot of things...and I know I am supposed to be here still. Feels good...

another word for desperate

2007 has been a whirlwind of events and emotions leading to new beginnings and sometimes the end to what was so dear. sometimes? ok...maybe not sometimes because beginnings always brings most things to a definite end. right? ok well...needless to say, this year brought the unexpected. For instance:
-truth
-heartache (a lot)
-the lack of a "home"
-the loss of a best friend (both man's best friend and a real friend)
-a community of vulnerability crumbling with no effort to mend it
-a new "job"
-a bold move to San Diego
-40 if not more beautiful people brought into my life

so a lot has happened. many things that I had dreamed of happened...and of course at the same time things I had never imagined losing...I lost. Is it bad that I am so idealistic? I suppose. I haven't allowed much of these things that have happened this year to really affect me. Sure...I take the time to appreciate these events/things and I also take the time to struggle with these events/things. But...my heart hasn't totally expressed itself yet. I'm not sure when it will. When will I realize that the relationship I held most dear to my heart was devastated? A relationship that provided inspiration, motivation, and most of all love. I still don't understand most of the happenings and emotions that have gone on in the grand year of 2007. I don't understand where the hope is in the loss of a friend. I think it sucks...I think its rather shitty. I suppose I have preoccupied myself enough to not worry or reflect on certain situations...and I'll be the first to admit that my actions were not the healthiest for either party. I'm not sure where things ended and I'm not sure of the future. And that must be my hope...the future and knowing that love exists now and in the months and years to come. I'm sure it sounds lame to anybody reading...but there is no denial in love providing hope. And...let me explain the title of this blog. I'm not desperate. And...I'm not looking for a word synonmous with desperate. But...I'm...some word that can explain being completely content with life and its struggles but at the same time reflective and pissed off at how some things have turned out. I'm completely unaware what provoked this sudden explosion of words...I guess just a refreshing eventful night with new friends has led me to really dwell on what was back in Tennessee. I do appreciate the way God has allowed me to struggle and grow in the transition between seasons but I tell you what...life ain't easy.

common groud

it seems more and more difficult to find time to write...to write my thoughts...my feelings...my current situation and the dynamic happenings in this season of my life. i told you i would write...i told you i would express my heart more openly through the convenience of blogging. i haven't failed yet but i haven't been consistent...and i hate not being consistent. i feel the expectations of my life are weighing more heavily as i have approached "manhood." haven't i taken somewhat good care of myself since being on my own (and i use the phrase "being on my own" loosely). i haven't asked much of people if anything at all. i have pursued action b/c it has been laid on my heart...i refuse to sit by and allow a world to mute the voices of a people group. i'm not sure how to express this to some people. dual perspective doesn't really exist among two different generations. one generation is raised only to be concerned with oneself and one's family. another generation has been raised to think globally...maybe not on purpose but it happened. so how do the two generations meet on common ground? i'm not entirely sure i have figured this out yet...

...enlighten me.

la mesa

a lot has happened in the past week or so...
the roadies have moved into a new home in La Mesa,
a slightly more upscale area than Spring Valley
which is where we were (where we had to Evacuate from).
its a Blessing to be in a house with these people,
more importantly, a House that can accomadate 35 Roadies.
at the moment, i'm sitting Outside of Cosmo's Coffee Cafe
listening to Music.
yes...
San Diego has music.
its no Nashville,
but the {BLUEGRASS} band that played a few moments ago
allowed me to have a taste of Home...
it went something like this:

rocky top
You'll always Be
home sweet home
to me
Good Ole Rocky Top
rocky top Tennessee


it was pleasant
motivated me to Run inside
and flash my Tennessee license.
that song was enough
to Know
i Am exactly
where I am supposed

to Be.

california's burning

What is it about this life do I enjoy? The community...yea. The work...yea. But...having to pick up with all my stuff with about 20 other folks to escape a fire. Now that's an adventure. The area that I live and work in, Spring Valley, has been evacuated due to the southern (the Harris) fire...so we go a little north to stay with some IC staff which places us in the middle of the northern (the Witch Creek) and southern fires. 5% of the fires have been contained which I suppose is a lot better than yesterday's 0%...there is yet another possibilty of us having to evacuate the area of North Park that we are currently in. Not sure what's going to happen...but this process is building community. Even more than before I think.

Its just crazy to think that the office is in danger of being burnt down...everything that is the organization of IC is there. We have taken out the server so that we don't lose everything. But...what happens if something drastic were to happen? I guess, we will just need to play it by ear...and pray.

I love this life...always uncertain, always dangerous. Never safe...never comfortable.

a day in the life of just another guy

Still here...in San Diego. As a part of the Invisible Children family...

Yea...I'm in the middle. A picture of me w/ a mandolin. Thus everyone thinks I'm typical Nashville and that I can play some pretty narley jams.

Today was a crazy intense...relieving day. We spent most of our time in the warehouse for training but we had the opportunity to go to lunch with Jason Russell, one of the co-founders of IC. After lunch, we were supposed to come back for training for Inspiration which Jason was conducting. Instead, he inspired us outside of the confines of the IC building. We were taken to his old high school and then to his parent's home where most of the beginnings of IC took place. It was kinda surreal. I mean...yea...Jason is a regular joe...but a regular joe that made radical choices and chose to "jump first, and fear later." Before he showed us his room at his parents' house...he explained that his number one strength is "input" meaning he collects information and stores it. Then he opened the door to his room...


...and this was only a quarter of it. It was nuts!!! Inspiring nonetheless.

So...why are scavenger hunts such a popular idea among the training process? The Gallery Church...and now IC. As we were given the rules for today's scavenger hunt we were told NOT to use the name of Invisible Children while hunting. Why? Well b/c sneaking into SeaWorld w/o paying was involved in the list of finds. Did we sneak into SeaWorld you ask? Why, yes!!! 40 pts right there. And did our team still lose? yes...sad days. The other roadies are quite the experience. Quite the relief. Quite the community. My prayers for community were definitely answered and this is just the beginning. I'm sitting in our common room at the Shire with Tranica, Jared, Josh, Chris, and Andi. And...we are shooting rubberbands. Its thats simple. Community is that simple. We are here for one reason with one heart for one country...but the beautiful thing is that it doesn't end there. Our heart's expand beyond IC and beyond Uganda. These folks have hearts of compassion...to love for the sake of love. This is their REVO...